Frozen Forever

I thought the others would fill a gap,
and help me to forget you're not here.

But all it seems to do is worsen the pain,
because losing you is my biggest fear.

I look in the mirror but all I see,
is the face of a stranger grinning back at me.

Disappointment plagues me like a shadow.

Standing here,
behind this glass,
they walk past and stare,
at plastic perfection, a frozen smile.
A glimmer of hope,
unfailing desire.
Just what they devote,
is their ever after.
In this wave of emotion,
all glitters gold,
and runs into the ocean,
dissolving forever.
A cloud of dust,
an unwavering scowl,
as if he never knew ya.
All eyes trace you now,
watch you like a hawk,
ready to devour,
all they do is talk.
And after the rain,
You still remain,
holding onto hope,
But as empty and as lifeless as a mannequin.

How long will it take for a heart to heal?
How long will it take 'til I can feel?
How long will it take 'til I can love again?
How long will it take for the nightmares to end?

How long will it take to discover the truth?
Will I ever regain my youth?
Whenever I'm confident to love once more,
A strong, fierce hand, knocks me to the floor.

But one day I will rise again,
despite this constant fear of pain.
I will learn to live and love and feel,
To put the past behind me, so I can heal.

You watch as I exit the bathroom,
black tears streaming down my face.
You ask if I'm ok,
even though you know I'm not.

And I haven't been the same ever since that night.
Being stretched so thin,
I'm torn and confused.
Stumbling from place to place,
a gaping black void in my chest.
It's resonating,
And I swear others can see it.

They whisper in clusters and gaze over at me,
laughing at my ease,
laughing at my lost innocence.

You stole my heart,
you stole my enthusiasm.
And I'll never get it back.

Temptation
keeps pulling her back
by the collar.
This human desire,
inclined to sin,
doomed to fail.
Like a puppet on a string,
these fantasies control
her every living.
And the pain just makes it harder,
to restrain herself next time,
to hold back the tears.
Silence makes it hard to breathe,
to fight through another day.
She wants to feel,
wants to love,
but her heart was shattered.
Lost in the storm.
Fragmented dreams,
crushed hopes,
vacant faces,
divided soul,
same old, same old.
Nothing new.
Just the same four walls,
singing 'leave tonight or live and die this way'.
And as she washes away the night before,
nothing remains but a hanging carcass,
burning her retinas.

That seductive whisper in my ear,
made the butterflies stir.
Their wings glistened red in the light,
watching from the wall, as we laughed,
loved, lived. Not wasting a second,
but living in the moment as if tomorrow would be our last.
And it was.
Your touch grew colder and colder,
your warm smile faded into apathy,
a stare of indifference, a glare of resentment.
The face that would always welcome,
now greets like a stranger,
without recognition, a fatal consequence.
Facing a mirror, an unfamiliar reflection gazes back at me,
with you by its side.
How ironic it is, that now I find myself in the same predicament. Stumbling and groaning over rejection. A hole ripped in my chest.
This window, once clear and bright with sunlight,
grew dark with dirt over time, finally cracking under pressure, shattering due to neglect.
A pretty pink card, torn through use,
was thrown across the table, landing in your lap.
And without a second thought, you gave it a go,
just because it worked for everyone else.
Why fall for the same trick?
Why settle for this rusted engine, continuing on a broken path?
Why force the knife deeper?
This once grand palace, now lies in ruins,
a lost hope, all in vain.
Your desire for revenge has made you foolish,
the wax is slowly melting away.
As the storm rages within,
scarlet overflows, staining this once pure linen and
the beautiful butterflies finally take flight,
never to return.

I awoke with a start,
Memories of that distant night slowly creeping back to me.

I saw your face,
reflecting beauty and radiance,
a sight for sore eyes.

You took my hand and
I squeezed yours back.
Your kiss electrified me,
gave me energy to continue through another difficult day.

And any trial, any hardship was worth it,
if I knew you'd be there to greet me as I walked through the door.

Your love was all I had, needed.

All I could see was you.
All I lived for was you.

And the day you left,
was the day I died.
Lost in the darkness once again,
I wept crimson. Crying out for you to return.

But you didn't.

Now all I have left are the memories of my heart,
memories of your love that no longer exists. You are the ghost that haunts my dreams.
Now I am forever torn. Confused and heartbroken, that I never even knew your name.

I walk into school later in the day, feeling the best I've felt for a long time. My early morning swim greatly relieved my sore legs and feet. They still feel numb but at least the pain from yesterday has subsided.
But as I slip into my seat in the lecture theatre, my longing for the water returns and I find myself daydreaming again, envisioning the wonderous waves blanketing my body comfort and protection. In fact, I would not call it dreaming at all. It's more like my physical person is in a different place to my inner person. Although my physical person is in this lecture theatre, my inner person is at the lake, bathing in pure pleasure and serenity, singing aloud my eternal melody. Yet, the dreaming does not last long, perhaps a few seconds at a time and everytime I return to planet Earth, I feel self-conscious, unsure as to whether I was actually singing aloud but as I glance around it appears that I wasn't. Then, I notice a pair of eyes on me. I turn to my left and watch as a pair of dark brown eyes gaze back at me quizzically, the eyebrows huntched creating a frown. His name was Dante Tyson. A guy that I knew of but didn't know. I quickly look back down to my notepad and pretend to write something. I look back a fe seconds later to check he wasn't still looking. But he was. Those beautifully crafted eyes were still gazing in my direction. I felt very uneasy but turned away again and tried to ignore him for the rest of the lecture.
When lecture ended, I said goodbye to my friends and made my way out of the lecture theatre and into the university reception. Then I heard my name. I turned and there stood Dante, his hands in his pockets, his blonde hair in his eyes.
I gave him a daring look and he spoke: "I'm having a little get-together friday night. It'll just be a few people from uni. You're welcome to come. It'll be at Isaacs, the pub at the waterfront, at seven."
I nodded and thanked him and he quickly left. I stared after him, wondering why an awfully popular, handsome guy was even bothering to speak to a lonely and cursed girl like me, let alone invite me out.



Friday came around quickly and at exactly seven I met Dante, alongside his friends in Isaacs. For the occasion I wore a silver halterneck dress with matching silver kitten heels and my favourite silver locket necklace, handed down from my great grandmother. I let my hair fall down my back in beach waves, the front half of my hair secured at the back by a silver butterfly hair grasp.
Dante shot me a smile. "Glad you could make it, Andie." His smile was contagious. Even though I didn't feel happy or particularly bothered to go out partying I smiled back. I would rather be at my lake soothing my weary legs but I rarely socialise with humans and considered this a psychological experiment. He gave me a once-over and grinned. "You look beautiful." His friends exchanged glances and nudged each other. Humans are really fascinating.
"You look good too and thanks for inviting me." I replied, holding his gaze.
"Do you want a drink?" He still smiled as he flicked his blonde fringe from his eyes. He continued: "It's on me." He winked and I gave in, my heart skipping beats.
"Sure. Surprise me." He went to the bar and returned with two glasses full of some sort of alcoholic beverage, a radioactive blue colour. It didn't look appealing at all but I thanked him nonetheless and took a swig, forcing it down my throat.
Four or five refills later we still sat outside in the summer air, laughing and talking about nothing in particular. The sun grazed the horizon, propelling harmonic pinks, oranges, blues and purples into the sky.
"Ahh, the sunset is beautiful." Dante turned to me. We gazed into each others eyes for what seemed like forever. But I pulled my eyes away first, knowing that I shouldn't get involved with Dante. Knowing that it wouldn't work.
"I'm afraid I'll have to be going now." I stood up. The smile, for the first time this evening, dropped from Dante's face. He stood up and grasped my hand tightly in his. His eyes not leaving mine.
"Why? Please stay."
I couldn't say no to those beautiful eyes but I knew that after the sun went down, after the moon rose, the influence of the tides would be too powerful for me to overcome. I would even be capable of killing without conscious thought.
"I'm sorry, Dante. I have to be back before nightfall." I tried to look innocent as if my parents were overprotective and I had to obey their rules, except that is far from the truth.
Dante looked devastated. All this sudden attention from him had actually surprised me. He was always surrounded by crowds of human females that loved attention from him. So, why was he attracted to me all of a sudden? I put this down to human hormones and shrugged it off.
"But, Andie, we're going to Tristan's family yacht soon. It would be great if you could stick around a while."
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Dante. My 'rents are super strict. I gotta be getting home."
"Well, maybe I could drop you back home?" He held out his car keys and I bit my lip in temptation. I gazed out at the sun that was rapidly falling behind the horizon. It would soon be dark.
"That would be great."



Dante pulled up outside my house in the countryside. He put the handbrake on and turned to me.
"Thanks for the lift. I'll see you monday?" I said, wanting to leave as quickly as possible. I knew what was going through his mind, his motives radiated off him. Normally thoughts were a whirlwind of confusion but his weren't. They were organised, flowing in order.
He grabbed my hand, to stop me from leaving.
"I need to ask you something." He gave me a stern look that revealed a different side of him. He continued: "Sometimes I go to the lake, y'know the one through the woods behind your house? I sit by it just to clear my mind sometimes. But a couple nights ago I was down there and-- I saw something. It was like a huge fish but it wasn't a fish. It had a head and arms. You wouldn't know anything about it would you?"
I held my breath. I felt as though I'd been stabbed through the heart a thousand times. Does he mean to say that he saw me? Did he recognise that it was me? How the hell could I tell Dante the truth? I bit my lip.
"You're kidding, right?" I forced a laugh and elbowed him in a jokey way.
He laughed too. "Yeah, I know it sounds totally weird but I'm serious."
"Dante darling," I mimicked a mothers voice. "Half-human, half-aquatic creatures don't exist." I said sarcastically and he punched me softly on the arm. We both laughed.
"C'mon I was being serious. I saw it with my very eyes. It was amazing though. It had long white hair, pale skin, completely white eyes and, like, greeney blue scales. And it was singing the most beautiful song in another language. I think-- It sounded like Latin. And while I was listening, I started to feel dizzy, kinda sleepy. But I didn't fall asleep. I think I blacked out, kind of. Next thing I knew I was standing close to the waters edge and the creature was gone..."
We were silent for a few long seconds as he continued to gaze at me. But th look he gave me was quite a knowing look. Does he suspect me? He must do! Why else would he be telling me this?
"Why are you telling me this?" I forced myself to ask, dreading the answer.
He shurgged casually. "Hmph. 'Just wondered if you'd seen anything." He sighed. "I might go back there for a few nights. I might see it again." My heart stopped. If he goes back, I can't swim! I can't live!
"No!" I said before I could stop myself. Dante gave me a strange look. "I mean... What's the point? You were probably just seeing things. It was dark. Your mind was playing tricks on you."
"Yeah... maybe so. But if I go back and see it again, it'll prove that I was right and maybe I can find some answers." But he didn't see through it, instead his eyes continued to pierce right through me as if he were searching me for answers.
"I don't think it's such a great idea. What if the thing attacks you? Please, Dante, don't go."
He paused, staring deep into my eyes. "Why are you trying so hard to stop me going?" He asked slowly, suspiciously.
"I'm just worried about you." I mumbled, looking away. I was always a bad liar.
"Andie, is there something you're not telling me?" He touched my arm with his strong, warm hands. He didn't wince at all against the cold of my skin but his eyes did show recognition that something was very wrong. I refused to look him in the eyes. "What's going on? You know about this thing don't you? Otherwise, why would you be telling me to be careful and not get hurt? I wasn't hallucinating was I? This creature really does exist. I knew I was right--"
"Dante!" I finally turned to him, fire in my eyes. "Please, just don't try to understand something beyond comprehension. You'll end up putting your life at risk."
"Satisfy my curiosity, then! What did I see?" We're now shouting at each other even though we are mere centimeters apart.
"You have no right to know. Not only that, knowing would put you at danger."
"Try me. I'm willing to risk it!" I sighed, shaking my head, on the verge of tears. Dante realised this and pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."
I shook my head. "It's not that. If I tell you the truth, you could die. It's that serious. I can't put you at danger. It's not worth it, Dante."
And with that, I got out of the car. As soon as I did so, my skin bathed in the moonlight of the full moon and turned a glistening pale white, as did my hair and my eyes, in a flash of lightning. My facial structure contourted back to it's natural form, narrowing my chin, slanting my eyes and eyebrows upwards, pointing the top of my ears and forming my cranial ridges on my forehead. I turned to Dante who was leaning over the gearstick and handbreak in what I made out to be a mix of shock, fright, awe and sympathy. He remained as still and as silent as a statue, his eyes wide in disbelief. It saddened me that it had to be this way. I did not intend to tell any human my most precious secret, let alone show them my natural form. But in this instance, I had no choice. I could not hide from the moonlight. I cannot not hide the person I am within.
"This is who I am." 

Making my way to my private lake took more effort than usual today. The pain in my legs were unbearable. Normally I can take the pins-and-needle feeling but today felt as though I were walking on shards of glass. I went through the whole day biting my lip, envisioning my lake to keep my mind off the pain. At times I became so panicky because the agony just wouldn't let up. In the morning I had to run out of the lecture theatre, scared that the burning in my legs would cause me to transform into the savage monster that I am under the meek exterior I portray.
So I stumble through the forest, a wave of relief washing over me as my animalistic instincts kick in, recognising the oceanic scent from a distance. This key information keeps me going as I'm now sprinting towards the water. As I run I cannot bear the urge anymore, stripping myself of my outer clothing, my baseball hat, my hoodie, my jeans... until I reach the waters edge and I'm butt naked. I release my midnight black hair from the hair grip and it relaxes down my back, reaching my hips. Unable to contain myself any longer, I run through the water until it reaches my knees, then dolphin-dive in.
Once under the influence of the waves, my skin flashes under the water like lightning in the sky and I revert back to my natural form. My human legs are no more and fins grow in their place. Jade coloured scales multiply under my skin, from the tips of my toes finishing under my chin, as I shed the upper layers of my inferior human shell. My black hair was now a radiant white as were the iris' of my eyes, enabling me to see clearly underwater, even at twilight hours. But to top it all off - I no longer felt the excruciating pain. The pain that made me want to tear a humans flesh off his body and eat it raw. The unbearable pain in my human legs that I am forced to endure every second of every day.
I feel a wave of pleasure enclose me in a blanket of serenity as I glide through the waters. Nothing could compare to the elation that washes over me as I complete my metamorphosis to a superhuman being. The spiral markings on my forehead illuminate, lighting up the ocean floor. I open my mouth and from within emerges an instinctual, tranquil melody of euphoria. My head feels light as I coast through the waters in ecstacy. But as the sun rises, the exhilaration dissipates and I emerge from the waters as a human but feeling energised. And ready for another day.
I sigh, re-dress and head back through the forest the way I came, blissfully unaware that the whole time, a human male was watching me from afar.

It was monday. The worst day of the week.

I sat slumped in my chair, wishing I were somewhere else, anywhere but in this lecture theatre. The chairs were uncomfortable, it was too hot and I was tired and hungry. I kept thinking back to friday, when I walked Millie in the woods and came across... Well, I'm not totally sure what it was. Everytime I close my eyes I envision that beautiful body, those mesmerising eyes. And ever since that fateful day I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop dreaming about him. Every morning I wake up and those bright eyes are still fresh in my mind.

After surviving class, I head to the library, desparately trying to avoid my fellow students, wanting some peace and quiet. I dived into a seat at a table in the far corner of the library, out of sight and logged onto a laptop, pulling up my unfinished anatomy and physiology assignment. I sighed and slumped in my chair, contemplating how to go about continuing the essay. I pulled a full fat coke can out of my brown leather satchel, popped open the metal cap and slid out of my seat, making my way across the library to the stacks. My thoughts kept going backwards and forwards from my intriging sight on friday, to the mountains of work that I have to do... somehow. I sighed, closed my eyes tight and took a long swig of my coke, not looking where I was going and unfortunately knocked into what felt like a brick wall. But actually I'd bumped clumsily into someone, splashing coke all down my new grey sweater.

Great.

"Ahhh! Crap. I am SO sorry. I--." The guy I'd bumped into turned round to face me and I held my breath, my stomch in knots. 'How could this be possible?' I thought. 'No. It CAN'T be... Can it?' I looked deep into his eyes and I could not possibly mistake those ethereal, olive green, slanted eyes. It was him. The guy I saw in the woods on friday! That perfectly strong, magestic body could not be mistaken.

"No, it was my fault! Are you okay?" His voice sounded like a sweet melody that soothed my ears and calmed me completely. He spoke with a subtle foreign accent and as he spoke his eyes bore into me as if he were peering deep into my soul.

He smiled, displaying a set of perfectly white teeth. I nodded in reply to his question, hoping he had not recognised me and walked around him aiming to reach the stacks before he had the chance to remember my face, but he continued: "Actually, I was hoping you could help me. I'm a new student so I'm still trying to find my way around. Can you tell me where the learning development center is please?"

I bit my lip. Perfect. I couldn't simply explain where the learning development center was, I had to actually lead him there.

I shrugged. "Sure", I mumbled, as I led him past the librarians desk to the other side of the library. "It's just around that corner." I pointed. "Keep going straight, go through the double doors and you're there."

"I see, thank you for your help." He turned to me and smiled again, my heart melting. I couldn't pull myself away from his eyes, they were simply enchanting. He was so obviously different that he stood out a mile. In my peripheral vision, I made out others in the library, other students and even some staff members, who were peering over from behind their books to get a look at the mysterious new exchange student. But I tried to remain nonchalant. My life motto is that all guys are the same. If they look good, they usually know it.

"You're welcome." I turned on my heels quickly, desparate to run to the stacks and hide but he caught me off guard once again and called out to me.

"Wait, I'm sorry, I must ask you one more question." I froze. Somehow, I knew exactly what he was going to ask. Perhaps it was the way in which he spoke, the language he used... It seemed so otherworldly, so alien, not at all modern. But the way in which he spoke also alarmed me.

"Yes?" I turned to face him confidently yet quizzically, outwardly trying to keep calm, although my heart was pounding frantically in my chest. This guy really made me nervous which was a first. I'd never had a boyfriend before and I normally regard boys as just mates but this particular guy was different. And I was sure of it. But, why is he here? I mean, is he following me to university to... kill me because I know his secret?  At this thought, my stomach churned but I put the thought aside. No. I clenched my fists. No. There must be another reason. Perhaps he is trying to silence me in some other way? Maybe I should just go down on my hands and knees and beg for mercy right here, right now! I mean, there is no denying that he isn't human! That friday I saw eagle-like wings protruding from his back! He must have superhuman / supernatural strength or powers or something. He could probably kill me right here if he wanted to. No, that's right. If he had intentions to kill me he would have done so that friday night when I ran away. He doesn't want to kill me at all. But, then, what does he want?

"I have this strange feeling that I've seen you before..." He stepped closer.

"Oh-- I'm sorry but I don't recognise you." I lied, biting the inside of my cheek.

"Your eyes... They are very familiar." He stepped closer still until we were a mere thirty centimeters apart. He looked deep into my eyes and I felt as though I were naked, as though he could see the whole me, all my thoughts, feelings and experiences with one glance. He cupped my chin in his hands, his eyes bore into mine and I suddenly felt this immense power develop from within me. I suddenly felt light and in those few seconds, the world was brighter. It was as if it were only him and I in the room and no-one else, just the allurement of his eyes was all that held my attention. I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my heart pounding in my chest. And then the elation faded. And I came back down to Earth.

I pushed him away lightly.

"I--I must go," I said as I made my way swiftly to the stacks.

                                                            *               *              *              *

The following thursday I woke up with a massive migraine, took an aspirin and jumped on the number thirteen, getting off outside McDonalds. I walked briskly along Haven Marina whilst enjoying the serenity of the scene; the yachts in the harbour, people already sipping beer outside of Issacs, the morning sun glistening like a thousand diamonds off the surface of the water. I ran through the university entrance and into lecture theatre one where a hundred pair of eyes glanced my way. I went beetroot red and slid into a seat next to Ally in the first row who smirked at me and kissed her teeth. I rolled my eyes sarcastically and pulled out my A5 notepad, although I wasn't ready to write pages of notes and resolved to catch up on an hours sleep. But as I glanced around the room, a sight caught my eye.


The next row along saw him. The mysterious guy I saw on friday and monday. I gasped loud enough for Ally to hear but quiet enough for no-one else to. She looked at me quizzically and I shook my head, telling her not to worry about it.  But she followed my line of vision anyway. She realised who I was looking at and raised a cheeky eyebrow. I nudged her and she attempted but failed to stifle a laugh.

How is it possible that he is in the same lecture as me? How could he possibly be on the same course? Is he really following me? Does he have some kind of alternate agenda?

When the lecture was adjourned for coffee break she turned to me.

"You like him don't you?" She smirked.

"What?" I scoffed, trying not to make it obvious.

"Well, get in line, honey. So does every other girl here." She kissed her teeth, then continued. "His name is Malachi, no-one knows much about him but apparently he's a greek exchange student here for just a year on a scholarship. And apparently, he's single." She nudged me and I clicked my tongue.

We both stood up, ready to head to the university cafe, Theta, to buy our regular hot chocolate and triple chocolate cookie. I glanced over to Malachi who was, at this point, surrounded by a crowd of other female students. I sighed inwardly. 'Why am I not surprised...' I thought.

"He's certainly popular..." Ally rolled her eyes. I know what she was thinking. 'Not another one. Not another guy who looks good and knows it.' But for some strange reason, I held back my judgement of him. There was something not quite 'normal' about him...

Ally and I walked past the crowd to exit the room. And at the moment we did so, a hand grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back.

It was Malachi.

I gasped as I stared into his beautiful eyes.

"Good morning." Everyone was watching us. Optical daggers were being thrown from the other girls who stood disapprovingly, questioningly. And I could guess what they were thining too. 'Why
is he talking to her?' Good question. I wanted to know the answer too. He continued: "I must apologise for what happened the other day in the library. I did not mean to frighten you." And by now I could practically feel the hatred from the other girls. Why did he have to bring it up now? In front of everyone?

"Uhh... It's no big deal." I shrugged.

"Very well, let's start afresh. I am Malachi." He shot me a radiant smile that melted my heart. I swooned inwardly.

"Uhh... Hannah." We shook hands. He still held a warm smile but I did not return it, and I wouldn't without knowing his real intentions. I knew his secret and that is probably why he wanted to get close to me, probably to keep me quiet somehow. "I have to go." I went to walk away but he grabbed my arm. He pulled me close to him in such as way that, to onlookers, it would appear that we were merely embracing but, cheek-to-cheek, he whispered lightly in my ear: "Meet me outside the library at the end of the day. There's something we must discuss." My heart almost stopped. My mind was racing with random thoughts being flung in wild directions. 'Will he bring up the incident in the woods? Will he tell me the truth? Or will he try to silence me?'


I maintained my nonchalence, excused myself and walked towards the exit as swiftly as possible. I didn't like being the center of attention anyway but I couldn't stand the malicious whispering and catty remarks, let alone the dagger-like stares I had thrown my way. Ally followed me like a puppy and when she reached my side she punched me on the arm. I winced and rubbed the spot melodramatically. We joined the unsurprisingly long queue in Theta.

"What the hell was that?" She snarled. I gave her a blank look. "He obviously likes you... And you blew it!"

"Whatever, Al. He's just a guy." I mumbled back.


"Uhh-- Yeah. A very hot guy, at that. Han, All the girls want him."


"We don't have time for guys, Al."


"There's always time for guys."


"Whatever." I dug deep into my satchel for some spare change. "I just have my priorities set on uni for now." Ally nodded, considering my reasoning for a moment.


"Ok, but that's what uni is all about. Guys. You should loosen up a little. Try to be... like a normal nineteen-year-old." We exchanged looks, knowing very well where this conversation was going. I shook my head, about to say something but she held up her hand and cut in. "Han, just hear me out. I know you have all these... ideals... about relationships and stuff but... Just have some fun. Relax and stop being so serious about..." she leaned closer and whispered: "sex."

I sighed. "Ally, we've been friends for a long time and when I first met you I told you my values and beliefs. I'm saving myself for marriage, I've told you this--"


"Pfft. Whatever. But you're missing out on all the fun. I mean, won't you get bored with just one partner your whole life? I just couldn't do that. Plus, marriage is just a piece of paper. A legal document to say you 'love each other'. You don't have to marry someone and put a ring on their finger just to show that you love them."


I sighed to myself. Ally has been my best friend for years. We've done everything together since pre-school. We're like twins, finishing each others sentences, knowing exactly what the other will say or how the other will feel. We even followed each other to uni. But the one thing that still sets us apart after all these years are our values and beliefs. Our morals. Before they died, my parents brought me up to live in a morally upright way and at their funeral I vowed to stick to those prinicples no matter what. I'm not sure why, but Ally still doesn't get it. She doesn't get why I won't get drunk with her on a saturday night. She doesn't get that I haven't had a boyfriend before or that I don't want a drag off of her cigarette.

"Well, fine but I'm not changing."

She tutted and moved forward as the queue started to move. "Ok, but Han you gotta admit, it's not normal. It's kinda weird." 
                                                                                              
                                                            *              *              *              *

I stood outside the library doors at three thirty, my stomach in knots, not exactly knowing what to expect. My heart was fluttering in my chest and my legs told me to run away but I continued to stand there waiting, this desire burning in my chest. I wondered what it was that Malachi so desparately wanted to talk about but I had a pretty darn good idea.

Suddenly, a white Audi TT appeared in front of me. Malachi was in the front seat.

"Get in," He said and I did.

Marvelling at your wonderous ways,
I know that you're not far.
They remind me that dreams will always come true,
when you wish upon a falling star.

The vultures are already beginning to encircle,
whilst, on the ground, she unknowingly goes about her carefree life.
Imagining all is well.

Suddenly,
they are upon her just like a dark cloud,
she is blind. Trapped. Powerless. Not knowing which way to turn.

They swoop her off her feet,
attack her, drawing blood, tearing out hair, ripping skin from her delicate body.

She is surrounded, unable to move.
Isolated. Seemingly without a soul to depend on.

The girl closes her eyes, desparately crying for someone to save her when
the enemies suddenly fly away.

Relieved, the girl watches them disappear,
her wounds healing, the scars fading.

A sense of hope fills her delicate heart,
knowing that her pain is merely temporary.
knowing that the battle is not hers.

Walking through the woods with Millie, the year-old lab wasn't the easiest of tasks on a 'good day' so today the job was particularly challenging since I'd sprained my ankle in netball practice. I pulled her closer and let her off the lead. She galloped around, sniffing out other dogs' pee and whatnot, leaving me alone in my thoughts. My mind kept wandering back to unfinished assignments, unpaid credit cards and my untidy bedroom that mum, the bank and lecturers all keeps nagging me about. I keep telling myself 'I must do this, I must do that' but somehow it always escapes me and I kinda, albeit conveniently, forget. Which kinda presents me with a problem. A major problem.

Being nineteen is hard, y'know.

I sighed. So, I really did not feel like walking Mills tonight. I was exhausted from my work placement and would rather run home, slip into sweats and eat chocolate in front of MTV. 'But Auntie Sue is paying me. Plus, It helps her out and a good walk for both of us won't hurt.' I tried to motivate myself as I looked to the ground, staring at a big black stain on my red Converse sneakers.

I glanced up to see Millie elegantly leap over a fallen tree and disappear out of sight. I inhaled sharply, a mix of annoyance and concern rushing through my veins, and picked up the pace, calling out for her to return.

But, she didn't.

After a minute or two, I stomped my foot, kissed my teeth and carried on walking straight. 'Yeah, she'll catch up...' I hoped. Soon, I found her sniffing out a patch of grass, one paw raised in suspicion. I called her name and she looked up at me quizzically. I nodded my head to the side, signifying her to follow and she did. For a little while. Then, she randomly jumped to the right, running down a hill.

Great. 'Guess I have to follow her. I scowled, mumbling and clicking my tongue in discontent and followed her down the hill, almost stacking up in the process.

"Millie," I mumbled. "You better have a darn good reason for leading me down--"

I stopped, holding my breath, trying not to make a sound. Millie just sat panting happily, her tail wagging ferociously. Sometimes I wish I could tap into her thoughts. It must be good to be a chocolate lab, without any fears or worries. I couldn't imagine my life without huge credit card bills, letters reading 'FINAL DEMAND' in bold red writing. It must be joyous to live without worries like that.

But what I didn't know was that, what lie ahead of me at this moment in time, would change my life dramatically.

Forever.

For. Ever.

Nothing of the past nineteen years of my menial existance would be able to make up for what was to occur.With a deep breath in, I stepped forward, stumbing slightly on a fallen branch. My stomach was in knots. Whatever it was, I knew it wasn't normal. Ahead of me lie high bushes and trees which I could not see past but, filtering through the branches and leaves was a faint green glow. I kept still, trying to listen to any sound at all, any conversation. But there was nothing. I crept forward, concealing myself behind the bushes and squinting through the branches. My eyes took a few seconds to adjust and at first I could not make anything out.

But after I stood in wait, anxiously for a while, I saw a human figure.

A man's inhumanly muscular, well defined body.

I frowned.

"What the heck is going on here?" I whispered to Millie, who followed my line of vision and cocked her head innocently to the side. "Something's not right. At all." I leant forward, squinting harder. But all I could see was the guy from his side. But what I did see was... beautiful. He was kneeling in a terminator kind of way, one leg higher than the other, his face to the ground. His face was unnaturally perfect, flaunting strong masculine features. He had short, cropped brown hair and his skin was tanned, radiant, immaculate and free from any imperfection. He looked very young, probably my age and his body was amazingly muscular, like a body builders, like an athlete but... better.

And then I noticed he was naked.

I gasped in what could have been shock, humour or excitement. It was probably all three, maybe more. My hand clasped my mouth to stop a scream escaping. My mind was running wild with thoughts. "What the f**k, what the f**k, what the f**k?!", "Should I call the police?", "Is he hurt? Is something wrong with him?!" are examples. I gathered my thoughts as much as possible and dropped my hand from my mouth and peered closer. I watched him as he stood up. He stood very tall, probably 6"4'. Maybe taller. The next thing I noticed were his magnificently crafted hands that looked as if they had never seen a days work. I looked down at my pitiful ones, blistered, lined and dry, and bit my lip. This guy is perfect. What the heck is he doing out here? Alone? Naked? My heart pumped harder and harder in my chest. My head was spinning. My stomach was twisting. I had to get out of here. But something was telling me to stay just a minute longer.

So I did.

But he just stood there, his face towards the ground but his eyes closed. I kept watching until he opened them and I inhaled sharply. His eyes were a sensual shade of olive green which gave him a Mediterranean, but also otherworldly look. He was nothing I'd seen before.

Something wasn't right. I peered closer and squinted harder. There was something on his back but at first I couldn't make it out. I leant forward as far as I could.

I screamed, my hands trembling as I took sight of beautiful, pure white, eagle-like wings stretching out and expanding from his strong back. I held my hand over my mouth, praying he hadn't heard me but his gorgeous eyes glanced my way and my stomach fluttered. I got a good look at his face and my heart melted. He had a strong forehead, chin and nose but luscious eyes, thick, dark eyelashes and full, enticing lips that I my heart ached for. Once he'd noticed me, he stood majestically, straight and tall, giving me a cold and hard but seductive look.

I lifted my gaze from his eyes and stared at the wings.

"N-No. No way..." I mumbled. This can't be. There's no possible way that he's human. No human has wings! No human has eyes so bewitching! No human has skin so perfect and muscles so awe-inspiring and science-textbook-like! I blushed as he held my gaze. He stayed silent, his feathers fluttering in the slight breeze. Then he turned his body towards me, his fists clenched, hatred in his eyes. He stepped closer, spreading his wings like a male peacock fanning its feathers.

"No!" I managed to scream as I fell back and scrambled to find my footing, finally running away, fearing for my life.

I ran all the way back home, not looking back once. It wasn't until I reached the front door of my home, that I realised Millie was still following me. I held my chest with one hand and leant forward to catch my breath. A gentle tear fell from my eyes and Millie licked them away. I bent down and hugged her. After taking Millie back to Auntie Sue and briskly walking home, I ran straight to my bedroom and slammed the door. Leaning against it, I fell to the floor, my chest still heaving and craving oxygen. What I had seen was not normal. Maybe I should have called the police. That guy could have been a serial killer. He could have raped me... I held my head in my hands and shook my head. No. With those muscles of his and those long, well defined legs he would have easily been able to catch up and surpass me. But he didn't. He let me run for it and I should be grateful for that.

I closed my eyes and envisioned that beautiful face, those almond-shaped eyes, that solid physique, those curvaecous, alluring lips. My face felt hot everytime I saw him in my mind. My heart raced, my stomach did flips, my mouth went dry, my hands quivered.

Who was he?

What was he?

Well, with a body like that... With wings as breathtaking as those... He must be...

An Angel.

The glittering lights intrigued me,
as I reached the height of the sea.

Between the black of the ocean and white-speckled sky,
the distant sound of laughter and music filled the night.

Easing closer, waves laping at my chin,
I gazed on in wonder, desire simmering from within.

I leapt from the water, onto dry land,
Fin becoming legs, allowing me to stand.

A male caught my eye, inviting me to dance,
And until the morning came, I was in a trance.

Never had I seen such an enchanting creature like he,
posessing the power to evoke such passion within me.

His voice was magical, his arms were strong,
in which he held me all night long.

We wanted this moment to last forever,
but deep down I knew we would not last together.

Never in all my existance, had I felt so alive,
But dawn was breaking, the time to depart had arrived.

As twilight woke, i ran for the shore,
Not sure if I could hide the truth anymore.

Before these feelings overwhelm,
I gave up my legs as I returned to my realm.

Leaves brush against my scarred legs, leaving a trail of warm dew behind them as I make my way through the forest and back to the tribe before sunrise. I gripped my bow and arrow in my now bloodied hands, the quiver rested securely across my back but irritated the scratches I'd acquired from a fight with a wolf when the night was still young. Night is now slowly giving in to dawn as I pick up the pace, knowing that remaining out will put me at significant risk. Yet, the air is still full of humidity and as I stepped into the forest clearing, sunlight bathed my dark skin. My tribal markings shone a radiant, vibrant white instead of remaining their usual black. My dark hair and eyes turned a supernatural silver as I stood still, basking in the light for the first time in my life. Power, excitement and determination surged through my bloodstream as never before. I felt alive. Invigorated. I held my breath, wishing the feeling would last forever. But soon, the moment passed and I was alone again, surrounded by the chorus of crickets, in this empty, eternal darkness.

She sat beside the lake,
her head in her hands,
wondering why it had to be this way
when she fights so hard to make things work,
just to struggle through another day.

Black tears fell,
as she considered the easy way out,
losing all hope and power.
Tears ceasing, she gasped.
From the murky water emerged,
a white lotus flower.

From across the room,
She smiles at him,
Flicks her hair over her shoulder.

He can't prevent the
longing of his heart,
The desire just to hold her.

Approaching her, his
heart is hungering,
this attraction he can't ignore.

Looking in his eyes,
she casts a cunning
spell, And lures him to the shore.
 
He stumbles to the
sea, holding her hand,
captivated by her beauty.

She whispers in his
ear, "Just one more step
and forever you'll be with me".

Just at that moment,
His friend calls his name,
Running to the shore in alarm.

He turns to the girl,
to find she is gone,
The waves of the sea, still and calm.

Last night, I saw you in my dream.
I reached out and touched your arm.
You turned and looked me straight in the eye,
Filled with apathy.

I said your name but you just stood there,
Staring deep into my eyes.
Without recognition.

That's when I woke with a start,
Sweat glistening on my forehead,
Glad it was just a dream.

But as I sat there in
thought, for a while,
It dawned on me that maybe this dream is reality
And reality is just a dream.

I walk this barren wasteland
alone.

I am a fearless survivor, destined to
live.

I need no-one.

I am a powerful hunter who can snap a animals spine like a twig.

Hunger and pain does not diminish my ambition, my determination to
survive.

I need no help.

But the further I walk, the more
lonely I become.

Suddenly, I fall to the ground,
weak at the knees.

All these years alone has killed me.

And now, the hunter becomes the
hunted.

The world grew cold,
And feeling Abandoned,
I lie here alone,
locking myself between these four walls.

This disease inside me,
The curse I carry in my veins,
It haunts my very dreams.

But realising my pain,
You take me by the hand and lead me
away from the fire.

Your promises keep me going,
like a compass in this dark wilderness.
Without you, I am
blind. Dead. Nothing.

I long for the days when I can be cured
of this plague. That follows me
like a shadow.

And what keeps me going is
your love.
This friendship is eternal.
Everlasting.

Sometimes you wonder what is even the point when you try so hard. It seems as if you are trying so much harder than everyone else but everyone ends up hurting you. Every 'best friend' you could ever trust decides to just leave.
Or ignore you.
Well, thanks. After I put so much into helping you I thought you would at least help me as well. Maybe not.


You complain about how you have been hurt and you cry about how you are in an inescapable situation.
But think about those who love you. Think about how they have put their lives on the line for you.
Don't be selfish and act as though you are alone. We try to talk to you but you decide to turn away.
You throw us aside.
Well, don't come running when something goes wrong.
Because we'll be long gone by then.

I scream through the glass, but you ignore me.
You continue to laugh and whisper and kill,
even though I'm pounding on this glass.

I remember holding you tight, to
Keep the nightmares at bay. I'd keep
Telling you that everything was alright. Strange how I can't tell
Myself that. Because
Anything that I do or say you seem to disapprove of.
But with every single syllable you utter,
You force the knife deeper.

I stand in isolation.
Can't you see what happens when you leave me to
Stand alone?
To live without your love is impossible. Because I fear one day I'll
Lose
You. Forever.

With every glare and every whisper,
you twist the knife further.
I wince at the pain,
hurt is all you seem do.

Without me,
You don't seem to change. Without you
I don't know where I stand. I
Vanish.

I have all these thoughts whirling around in my head but I don't even know where the hell to start.
Why the hell did i trust you?
Why should I even bother at all?
What the heck did I do to deserve this?
So you befriend me one minute and reject me the next?
While I put everything into protecting you, you were just plotting this betrayal behind my back? What happened to the time when we agreed? What happened to those innocent times when we could talk about anything? What happened to the time when we would trust each other with the darkest secrets we would never utter to another soul?
What happened?
And now, here I stand alone in this empty room, with nothing left.
Sometimes I wonder to myself, do you ever think of me?
Ever?
Maybe I was better off alone from the beginning. At least that way I wouldn't have wasted so much time, so much energy, on something that wouldn't last.
On something as good as dead.