Frozen Forever

OK. It's saturday night and I'm supposed to be doing something. I was invited out to this stupid 'girly night' but there is no way that they are going to drag me to that. I'm not wasting time making cards, plastic jewellery or whatever.
I went shopping today with my mum and it sort of sucked. she kept making arguments out of nothing. again. also, people in town do my head in. not only do they completely ignore your presence and just practically run into you, in your own line of walking but they make-out practically right in your face as i to say 'hahaha you're single and we're not. loser'.
Also, i hate those people who seem to be walking around town aimlessly and then they suddenly catch your eye and try to offer you a credit card that you dont need or free tickets to a club or free coupons for milkshakes or something. This guy once even offered me his CD'S that were apprently 'free' when i started talking to him but then he suddenly shot 'just give me a tenner' and i ran a mile.
OK so i need to finish some homework and i cant be asked. P.E. is so pointless. I mean, how can you study it? It's something you need to do practically. y'know, actually moving. Ermm... why did you pick it anyway...
hnn... dunno.
Also, when i go back to school, i'll need to start/finish loads of coursework. hahaha. I sooo failed.

-Emily

OK, well, i know it's late but i just have to type something today.
My head hurts so much. But I'm gonna try to type regardless.
Answer this: why is it that the guy that you love so much will never even glance sideways at you but the guy that really loves you from the bottom of his heart, you wouldnt even touch?
Why? I hate the way that things (i.e. relationships, love... etc...) never work for me. It's like i've failed at every single love.
But, what does love actually mean? If you slapped a definition on it, it wouldn't be sponteanous or fulfilling anymore. But it wouldn't have it's imperfections either.
Mind you, with some of the guys that I have liked well... thats what it's been. Just liking. Never loving. It's always infatuation with me. never anything else.
will there ever be a guy that will love me and I love him? Will their ever be a guy that loves me for who I am and not just what I am?

It is so hard to resist the temptation sometimes. It can tear you apart until you bleed. Internally. You cry out in an unbearable pain and it hurts. Above your left eye brow there is a seering pain that reminds you of all the things you should do but haven't got round to it.it hurts knowing that. Knowing that maybe for the rest of your life you will have to deal with people who think they can play with your feelings all the time. Yes I'm refering to you J. Why won't you talk tó me? After I helped you all those times.

It's wednesday and i haven't got much planned today I'm just gonna go to school and stuff. not so fun or exciting. I have PSHE first whic is totally a waste of time and i hate it. I keep wondering what would have happened if i went to college instead. Everything would have turned out so different. But, i didn't. and Here I am. at least I've done my exams now and i can relax for a while. Going into town monday was great and to be honest, it was the only think i was actually looking forward to this week. I can't wait until the weekend!! Oh, by the way, do you like the necklace? Very cute, huh? I found it on eBay. It's a celtic moon necklace that sugnifies the waxing and waning of the moon! ((:

My name is Emily. This will be where I will post all my feelings and thoughts about the world. I would deeply appreciate any of your comments also. Emily is not my REAL name if you are wondering. I want to protect my identity but I bet some will figure it out anyway.
Please keep returning to read my posts. It will mean so much to me. This blog wasn't actually intended for people to read however, (not that I am trying to get you from reading, of course you may!) I just want to be able to express my deepest feelings. nothing more. Sometimes, it feels to me that I cannot properly explain how I feel. Even if it is only for a few minutes online everyday or every couple of days. Even if nobody ever reads. I just want the emotional release. I want everything to be open now.
I'll give you some information on me: I live in England, I am very much a self-contained introvert but I'm not shy enough to not express my feelings to anyone. I'm very much an open person - which causes me some problems most of the time. (my insensitivity is infamously well-known by the girls at my school...)
But I'm a kind hearted, friendly and childish person who loves teddy bears and collecting candles.
I'm very unique and quite eccentric in the way that I have cute behaviours. (E.G. I come home from school and instantaneously put my PJ's on!)
I love the winter but I love the autumnal season better because the colours of the leaves falling to the ground from the trees looks amazing. It really relaxes me.
I study Psychology, sport, English literature and Drama and Theatre as A level qualifications. I want to go to university to study either radiography or Psychology in two years. (I can't decide which one...)