Frozen Forever

But sometimes I want to disappear.
Disappear and never be found.

Sometimes getting lost is all it takes to find ourselves.

A ghost of my dreams, she haunts me.
A mysterious figure, With a closed heart.

A mere drawing on a page.
But this is just the start.

Blank eyes stare back, a fluttering heart.
Others speak to me, but she does not.

Armour. A shell, hiding the woman beneath.
Reteaching the feelings that I had forgot.

A voice so metallic but a sweet symphony.
A blue rose lies beneath a deadly warrior.

Battle scars adorning the ethereal face,
How I long to feel something real from her.

In my reverie, you come to me.
An angel of beauty.

Time slows as I catch your eye.
Sitting alone as I wonder why.

Words are mumbled across the table.
Blank eyes gaze back,
picking her apart. But getting nowhere.

A ticking time bomb, ready to explode.
It won't take long for hell to unload.

All she wants to do is hide. She wills the pain to stop.
Her mind takes her where her body cannot.

The hand encloses around her heart.
She cannot see. She cannot think. She cannot breathe.

Lying in this dark abyss, will anyone save her from what's beneath?

Do you see me how I see you?
Your blue eyes explore me but do they really see beyond the exterior?
Mine do.
The secrets unfolding dig under my skin like knives. Like needles.
My heart is the voodoo doll. You can't wait to test me out.
To see how much you can use me to your advantage.
You can't wait to untangle and devour me.
Then leave me in the gutter, violated and alone.
I wonder if i'm the only girl you do this to.
Your words caress me, they fill me with hope.
But your eyes say more. They give away your true intentions.
Now I see your true agenda.
I see through your lies, your deception.

No doubt either one of two outcomes will prevail:
I will feel foolish for believing your twisted lies
or
I will feel foolish for accusing you and misjudging

I'm so fed up.
I'm fed up of this.
I'm fed up with work.
I'm fed up with my family.
I'm fed up with how people treat me.
I'm fed up that I can never think of the right thing to say.
I'm fed up with how no-one understands me.
I'm fed up that I'm not how my parents thought I'd turn out.
I'm fed up that my past constantly haunts me.
I'm fed up with how people use me. And shit on me. And act as if they are so much better than me. And have a waaaaaaay better life than me. And have waaaaaaay more money than me. And how they can do THIS and THAT way better than me.
I'm fed up of being broke and broken, crushed and cynical, depressed and disillusioned, lonely and loveless.
I'm fed up of the lies and the stories and the bitching and the betrayal.
I'm fed up of finally believing that this person is different to the last.
But they all turn out the same.
And they all told us that it would be better than this.
They lied.

I'm fed up.
I'm so f**king fed up.