Frozen Forever

Words are mumbled across the table.
Blank eyes gaze back,
picking her apart. But getting nowhere.

A ticking time bomb, ready to explode.
It won't take long for hell to unload.

All she wants to do is hide. She wills the pain to stop.
Her mind takes her where her body cannot.

The hand encloses around her heart.
She cannot see. She cannot think. She cannot breathe.

Lying in this dark abyss, will anyone save her from what's beneath?

Do you see me how I see you?
Your blue eyes explore me but do they really see beyond the exterior?
Mine do.
The secrets unfolding dig under my skin like knives. Like needles.
My heart is the voodoo doll. You can't wait to test me out.
To see how much you can use me to your advantage.
You can't wait to untangle and devour me.
Then leave me in the gutter, violated and alone.
I wonder if i'm the only girl you do this to.
Your words caress me, they fill me with hope.
But your eyes say more. They give away your true intentions.
Now I see your true agenda.
I see through your lies, your deception.

No doubt either one of two outcomes will prevail:
I will feel foolish for believing your twisted lies
or
I will feel foolish for accusing you and misjudging

I'm so fed up.
I'm fed up of this.
I'm fed up with work.
I'm fed up with my family.
I'm fed up with how people treat me.
I'm fed up that I can never think of the right thing to say.
I'm fed up with how no-one understands me.
I'm fed up that I'm not how my parents thought I'd turn out.
I'm fed up that my past constantly haunts me.
I'm fed up with how people use me. And shit on me. And act as if they are so much better than me. And have a waaaaaaay better life than me. And have waaaaaaay more money than me. And how they can do THIS and THAT way better than me.
I'm fed up of being broke and broken, crushed and cynical, depressed and disillusioned, lonely and loveless.
I'm fed up of the lies and the stories and the bitching and the betrayal.
I'm fed up of finally believing that this person is different to the last.
But they all turn out the same.
And they all told us that it would be better than this.
They lied.

I'm fed up.
I'm so f**king fed up.

The storm envelopes me,
enclosing me in a cocoon of horror.
Lies. False promises. No Hope.
This mistake. Full of error.

I learnt to trust.
Put this heart on the line.
But all I got was betrayal.

And all this rage inside,
cannot be contained.
It's claws are reaching out and digging in.

And you'll find yourself lost.
At the heart of this tornado.

I went on without you.
It was for the best.
We both knew this road wouldn't last
Forever.
A ticking time bomb.
Ready to explode.
Our hearts and minds collided.
And everything fell apart.
I never thought I'd get an answer to my 'what ifs'.
Now I have it.

It felt so good to be touched by someone else.
It felt so good knowing you won't be my last.
But it feels better knowing that you're gone.
And now here I am.

Liberated.

We sit across the table,
Your eyes on mine.
They do not falter,
Those brown pools of mystery,
they intrigue me.
Searching every inch of mine,
to find something within.

Hands.
Rough and calloused.
But strong and exploring. Examining mine.
And hair as dark as the night sky.

Later
We stand.
Side by side.
Water pouring over us
as I wonder

Why you play these games.